Cheat School: 2. The Pledge

In order to enroll in Cheat School you have to take the pledge.

Repeat after me:

I, [name], solemnly pledge to consecrate part of my Zwift racing to the service of the Zwift subscriber community and the betterment of Zwift racing by cheating.

I will never state my weight falsely.

I will never state my height falsely.

I will never tamper with hardware or software to enhance my performance.

I will never consume illicit performance enhancing substances, unless prescribed by a doctor for health reasons.

I will cruise.

For cruising is the sublime form of racing in Zwift and is most pleasant to the eyes of the Zwift Gods. Yea, the Gods of Zwift rejoice in Heaven over the Cruiser, hallowed be His name. May He strike down His foes in Zwift races and may golden laurels crown His head. For He is infused with the Holy Spirit of WTFPWN for all eternity. Or at least until the Zwift Gods get a grip and change the system.

See, that wasn’t hard. Welcome to Cheat School! Now let’s cruise!

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