In order to enroll in Cheat School you have to take the pledge.
Repeat after me:
I, [name], solemnly pledge to consecrate part of my Zwift racing to the service of the Zwift subscriber community and the betterment of Zwift racing by cheating.
I will never state my weight falsely.
I will never state my height falsely.
I will never tamper with hardware or software to enhance my performance.
I will never consume illicit performance enhancing substances, unless prescribed by a doctor for health reasons.
I will cruise.
For cruising is the sublime form of racing in Zwift and is most pleasant to the eyes of the Zwift Gods. Yea, the Gods of Zwift rejoice in Heaven over the Cruiser, hallowed be His name. May He strike down His foes in Zwift races and may golden laurels crown His head. For He is infused with the Holy Spirit of WTFPWN for all eternity. Or at least until the Zwift Gods get a grip and change the system.
See, that wasn’t hard. Welcome to Cheat School! Now let’s cruise!
Of course you have always wanted to cheat in Zwift! Or cruise, to be more specific – there are cheaters and then there are cheaters after all. Cruising is the most sublime form of cheating in Zwift. It is the only form of cheating that doesn’t involve breaking any rules, neither Zwift’s nor ZwiftPower’s nor race organizers’ rules. It is also the optimal, most effective, most successful way to race in Zwift and on ZwiftPower if you want to win. And why race at all if you don’t want to win? Of course you should cruise!
You would want to cruise for any number of reasons:
– You may want to cruise to make your contribution to critical mass, the breaking point where even the dimmest start to realize that something is rotten in the state of Denmark and Zwift is forced to take action and rework the race rules into something better.
– You may want to cruise in the meantime as a simple protest against race rules that are an insult to intelligence
– You may want to cruise just to try it out – to see for yourself if it actually works and if it brings any clarity to the purported rampant cheating in everyday Zwift races
– You may want to cruise to get an impressive race history on ZwiftPower, which should earn you some respect in your local Zwift community (it has worked before)
– You may want to cruise just for laughs, to WTFPWN the pudgy noobs in a lower category
– You may want to cruise as a pleasant and more engaging recovery ride in your otherwise hard and highly structured training plan
– Or you simply want to cruise because you like to take things nice and slow
It really doesn’t matter what your motives are, although you will only fully understand why once you are a cruiser yourself.
There are many self-tutored cruisers out there already, but by enrolling in Cheat School you will get up to speed much faster and won’t have to make the myriad of mistakes of the forerunners. How do you cruise? How do you get started even? This is where Cheat School provides. In here you will learn all the intricacies of cutting-edge cruising. All posts will be sorted under the Cheat School category, which you can select to filter for quick access.
The course begins with a few introductory posts to get you started, as you will be expected to practice and do homework already early in the course. After the introduction we will discuss various cruising topics, one at a time, in an unstructured fashion.
If time goes by and nothing happens to the Zwift race rules, a quite likely scenario the way things are looking right now, meaning cruising remains the most effective way to race in cat B-D in Zwift, then Cheat School will eventually grow into a book, which will be put together and distributed freely in .pfd format for future students.
You enter the Cheat School curriculum by making a pledge. You graduate from Cheat School by proving your skills with a solid cheat record, the details of which will be provided at a later date.
The benefits of having graduated from Cheat School include:
– Significantly improved racing merits and ZP rank score (although from a lower category)
– A deep understanding of the Zwift race rules and the reasons why they are not fit to be a race rule system in a sport
